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Hello one and all, how are you doing? Long time no read—I should say write. What a year 2025 turned out to be, with 2026 showing an improvement. Whether it’s been my mental health, my writing, or the discovery of who I am. 

Everyone, buckle up; expect an extended session as there’s much to discuss. 

Let’s start with the obvious—where the heck were you? Well…I’ve been around. If you’re a part of the TSFFW group, you still saw me most mornings, pretending to write. I also attended the 10-year anniversary party we celebrated in July, which was a grand celebration of all the writers in our community. 

But 3 big events shaped my 2025;

Writing

1. I suffered a panic attack in February 2025 while sharing a short story and have had a mental block since. 

It was not my first panic attack (I’ve taken anti-anxiety SSRIs since my late 20s), but it was the first time it had happened while sharing my work. 

My throat went dry and I couldn’t get a word out. I started sweating and was relieved when another member agreed to read the rest for me. Submerging into the tub, I turned the tap for hot water, then lay there, quaking, fighting to avoid fainting. 

My confusion over the “why” is the real frustration. I’ve shared over a dozen short stories with writers in the group before. I’m not embarrassed, and I don’t think my writing’s bad; I just…froze. 

In November of 24, I had finished up around 30K words of romance prose in a week. I was on a roll, and I was going to edit it before sending it out to romance ghostwriting publishing houses. I wanted to complete revisions on two additional short stories before submitting and took part in the group anthology. 

Writing had been going, yet by February, this setback occurred. Now, I had a difficult discussion with my roommate around this time (see section 2) that may have contributed—I’m not a doctor. 

In the last 13 months, I’ve managed maybe 5K words. Mostly when I’ve been able to write with others face-to-face. I didn’t complete my one-shot idea this year, instead spending the day staring at my phone. 

None of this is the first time I’ve stopped writing. My brain seems to switch every 3-8 months between: “I’m going to be a writer!”, to “I’m going to be a singer-songwriter!”, and even “I’m going to be a film director!” 

I only want to write. I don’t want fame, and the type of fame musicians get is unbearable. I don’t want to live on the road. I don’t play enough guitar, sing enough, listen to enough music, or do the things to become a working musician. Could I see myself playing a show or two throughout the year in the future? Of course, but not a full-time member of the music industry.

Producing a film presents immense challenges; I lack the drive, skill, or desire to complete such an undertaking. Working with dozens (sometimes hundreds) of collaborators is part of the job. Writing a book is more of a solitary adventure—it’s also something I’ve enjoyed doing for decades. 

I’m not saying these things aren’t an option, just not in my current state. A magic pill that will give me energy, motivation, and focus—that’s what I need.

One time, on a podcast I was listening to, I heard a chemist muse that the closest we have to the Limitless pill combines nicotine, caffeine, and Ritalin. If you are unfamiliar with the Bradley Cooper film about taking a pill and becoming a workhorse ultra-genius, it’s a solid popcorn flick that I’d recommend for a bored night.

I don’t limitless level, just enough focus to put down 1500-2K words a day. Enough to put the words on paper. 

In October, I completed my forms to see about getting a full mental health diagnosis, and next week, I will have my appointment. ADHD is on the table, but that’s what everyone my age thinks. Then I wonder if I think that because of ADHD. Circular thoughts.

I’ll let them tell me. 

But there’s exciting news!

…The writing is coming back. I’ve been on a huge reading kick since the middle of February 2026, and it’s inspired an idea or two. I’ve only done some outlining so far, but that is more than nothing. I’m delighted. 

Even writing this newsletter is a success (I outlined this on February 27th). 

What does the future hold? I don’t know right now. I’d love to write enough to keep sending stories to magazines/journals and working on larger works to get the career going. But words don’t seem to want to pour out of me these days. 

A lot of the writing advice given states that those who write, write regardless of whether their work’s read. The cliché line is, “If you died writing only for yourself, would you still be happy?” I would. But I want more.

Living arrangement

2. I’ve been living alone! My roommate moved out on August 1st, and I have been slowly (very slowly) building out my living space. I’ve spent a little too much, but I had very little to my name. I owned a bed and a TV. No couch, no microwave, not a single luxury, like Robinson Carouse, it was as primitive as can be. 

But enough of Weird Al. 

This was an adjustment for me. For 35 years, I’ve never lived on my own. I know this isn’t that uncommon nowadays, but I never considered it an option for me. Between cost, expense, and living arrangements, I just assumed I’d always have a roommate or spouse. You know what they say about assumptions? 

I’ve loved it and I’m not taking it for granted. 

Friends in happy places

3. I got a dog. 

That’s right. I got a dog. His name is Pal, and he’s the best, greatest, most lovable dog in the world (I’m supposed to say that as his dad, right?), and he’s honed life. I love taking him for walks and drives. When he makes someone smile, it makes me smile. 

Unfortunately, this has put a damper on my travels. I wasn’t able to attend as many Toronto events as in years prior, or Can-Con which I was looking forward to, but between the costs of furnishing/repairing and getting a new dog, it just wasn’t in the budget. 

This year, however, I plan on attending. I’m also looking at world-con in 2027. Missing this Montreal event would be a shame.

Top of the pop

Before wrapping this up, I thought I’d leave with a few of my favourites from last year. Why not? Everyone does a top five or a roundup. 

Favourite book

I’ll admit to a slow reading year with everything else going on, but I’d have to go with the classic “Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy,” book one. 

I had read what I thought was the full novel back in 2012-2013, but it was only a small snippet of the story. I’m glad I went back (and have the next few on my TBR) because it was right up my alley—British humour with brilliant twists. 

Favourite game 

This wasn’t even close. Not by a long shot.

Helldivers two 

I racked up a few hundred hours on that game fast. If you haven’t tried it—it’s a quick, extraction-based game that parodies Starship Troopers. 

Favourite show

If you haven’t tried Severance yet, what are you waiting for? An Apple Plus subscription? Okay, that’s fair. 

But if I had to choose a single streamer to get, it would be YouTube, but Apple TV+ is not far behind. It’s a successful workplace science fiction show, something the network is becoming a juggernaut with. 

In conclusion 

2025 was a year. 

It had some high highs and low lows, but you should celebrate every year you and your family make it through. I’m looking for something like the Toronto writing group in London. I’d like more face-to-face feedback and sprinting to continue to inspire myself. For now, you can find me moderating morning sprints on Discord. 

I’d like to recording some audio podcasts with writers I know, and am looking at posting fictional interviews with some of my characters. 

I’ve also started an audiobook playlist on YouTube filled with classics of the speculative genre. You’ll find Arthur C. Clarke, Asimov, Howard, Dunsany, and more. I’d like to share a written list of which ones I’ve enjoyed the most and why. Look forward to more of this in future editions of the newsletter. 

Let’s do this a little more often, eh? What do you think? 🤞✌️